“I liked Ink Face-Man, but I thought Bat-Owl was boring”

The above is a quote from a female acquaintance on Watchmen, which I’ve seen and can tell you that it isn’t as bad as most critics are saying. Sure, it’s not a piece of high culture in the manner of the book. It’s a multiplex, if not necessarily ‘Hollywood’, superhero movie - rather than a human drama with the para-human myth as its backdrop. In most other senses though it is faithful to the graphic novel, even if the cast do fluff a few of the best lines.

 

 

Neuro-linguistic programming, the slightly creepy psychological science invented by dodgy hippies in the 1970s and used by special forces and advertising salesmen, preaches that there are two kinds of people in business meetings: those that tell you all your suggestions are great and those who will always point out the single flaw. I am in the latter group – it’s one reason why I never write reviews any more. But here’s why I think the film fails (with spoilers). I’m afraid it’ll only make much sense if you’re a comic nerd, but I suspect we’re the only people who care anyway. If you haven’t read the graphic novel, you should – it was the only comic to make Time magazine’s ‘100 best books of the 20th century’.

 

 

I have to agree with a lot of critics in that the second Silk Spectre, Laurie, is pretty poorly played (by Malin Akerman). She’s supposed to be a spunky lass, so much so that when the revelation comes that she’s the Comedian’s daughter, it seems obvious all along. Akerman here is a typical modern leading lady, all perfect skin and no charisma. Seeing as Laurie is arguably the central character, and certainly appears in the most scenes, Akerman’s lack of presence means that Rorshach and the Comedian steal the show. I’m not sure it was writer Alan Moore’s intention that the right-wing idealogues be the most sympathetic characters. The next glaring flaw is Rorshach’s gravelly voice-over. The character comes across as a stock movie ‘cool loner’ rather than an awkward, unattractive, terminally angry individual. But the most glaring inadequacy is the aforementioned fact that it’s more pop video than piece of cinema. But for the latter, go see Gran Turino, which is nothing short of amazing.

 

As for upsides, Carla Gugino is magnificent as the first Silk Spectre and Patrick Wilson also impressive as Dan Dreiberg. Tales of the Black Freighter, the macabre sub-story from the original graphic novel version of Watchmen, is being made as an animation for the DVD, which is heartening.

 

Like all big press screenings these days we had to hand our mobile phones in at the door. I dread to think what Rorshach would’ve made of the unseemly scramble to collect our handsets afterwards, as performed by educated people who should know better.

 

Ultimately I’d rather spend two days reading the graphic novel than two hours watching the movie, but it’s still worth seeing.

 

I love comics but loathe comic adaptations in general – I suppose Iron Man could’ve been worse. I think the animations do a better job than the live-action movies, and as such I’m going to urge you to watch Justice League: A New Frontier. Set in the 1950s with a retro illustrative style, it boasts David Boreanaz, Brooke Shields and all kinds of other big names if you’re into that sort of thing.

-Steve Beale-

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